)Rayna had always wondered after boys, but her aunt indoctrinated her about how they would become her downfall, cause her great agony, and never 'love' her the way she could. (Ofcourse not!)After supper, and after recounting the episode for her aunt, Rayna wanted to go back to the beach and look for Josh. She didn't mention him by name. She didn't even KNOW it, yet, but her aunt 'grounded' her, warning her that it was too dangerous.But as night darkened and her aunt became what she fantasized Josh to be, Rayna's body began to heat up, as thoughts of Josh commingled with the touches of her aunt's practiced lips.The way it had always been, kisses all over, then offering to breast feed Rayna, although there was never really any milk, just a wonderful hardness that caused her to tingle while sucking.When Rayna had finally reached puberty, her aunt begged her to reciprocate more fully, and Rayna's first taste of a 'bud' like her own caused a wicked sensation, followed by the fever!She was. Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen in the first place. I feel so foolish for having allowed myself to be caught up in a tangled web that only turned out to be full of lies and unrealistic dreams and expectations. As hard has it is to explain and in spite of all the hurt he has caused, I still believe that he is the person I am meant to be with in this life. It is not every day that you find someone who makes you feel the way he has made me feel and as pathetic as it is to admit, I don't want to let him go. So, with that, I have decided to settle for this, "friendship."I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week or even once a year. I have elected to watch him live his life with a.
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